While running from myself…

My walk – this journey.

Has been perilous at times, had I known that danger lurked at every turn, perhaps I would have been inclined to conduct myself differently.

Sulphur Bank trail in Hawaii.

Sulfur Bank trail in Hawaii.

I’ve learned that life is consistently inconsistent.

 

And until I realized that I was challenging life, instead of studying at its feet and gleaning the lessons that I was being peppered with.

Sauntering in Calvert Cliffs State Park

Sauntering in Calvert Cliffs State Park

I wandered about aimlessly, searching… Looking for my path.

But –

I did what was safe, as I stood deafened by the sound of monotony.

Turkey Neck Lighthouse - Elk Neck State Park

Turkey Neck Lighthouse – Elk Neck State Park

I knew that something was missing and I ran like Jonah because it beckoned.  Ignoring it, because fear overwhelmed and governed my actions.

On the shores of North Point State Park

On the shores of North Point State Park

I waited for a sign, but there was no thunderous voice from the clouds to guide me.

I directed my screams, my animus towards the heavens…

Beckoning…

God, Lord, Yahweh, Abba, Father, Mother, Jesus, divine omnipotence!”

I pleaded…

And often the tears streamed down my face…

Like hot lava, they burned, wiping them away only for them to return with a vengeance.

I demanded for my portion of grace to be dispensed…

And I waited.

Somewhere on the Atlantic.

Somewhere on the Atlantic.

Somewhere floating on the Atlantic.

Somewhere floating on the Atlantic.

Eventually, I tripped…

Into a chasm of humility – and I fell headlong into silence.

On the Patapsco River

On the Patapsco River

I was bewildered – as I tried to make sense of it, the answers eluded me.

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Gunpowder Falls

Wandering in the Patapsco

I wasn’t lost… But, in the same breath, I didn’t know where I was.

My burdens left me, but I longed for them, simply because I was acclimated to them.

I was drunk, intoxicated with…

Making my way to the Ocean in Calvert Cliffs...

Making my way to the Ocean in Calvert Cliffs…

Solace.

So I did the only thing I could do…

The thunderous voice was the sweet sound of solace.

The thunderous voice was the sweet sound of solace.

Now… I run towards it.

I bathe in the silence, it is my commune. The stench, the static from the world that I escape from is lost, if only for a couple of hours.

Being made whole is… Priceless.

On the coast of Hawaii.

On the coast of the Chesapeake.

The lushness of the Big Island.

The lushness of the Big Island.

God speaks loudly… Through the proverbial bullhorn of solace…

Pausing... To savor.

Cascade Falls.

Cascade Falls.

I can hear clearly, now.

God doesn’t have to shout, because whispering is enough.”

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Finding what was buried within.

As I back up my old photo’s to the Cloud.

I was drawn to this set of photographs, it was significant because it was during this walk that I wrote my first piece of poetry.

It was a organic act that unfolded without much fanfare.

As I walked through this area of Gunpowder Falls this past December.

I was accompanied by nothing other than the crunching of the snow beneath my feet and feeling as if I was impervious to the elements that seemed to say…

“You will freeze, you will regret not having those gloves that you forgot at home.”

But, I was looking for something that I eventually found.

Peace of mind, solace.

So, I walked.

Discovering a layer that I didn’t know I possessed.

Not to say that my poetry is any good, but it is the act of creating it, that makes me feel empowered and that is more important that any accolade I could ever receive.

Gunpowder Falls

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Discovering the redemptive power of time

It is often thought that time only goes in one direction, but I have learned, begrudgingly. That time is multi-directional.

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I liken time to a bridge that can be crossed in two distinct destinations; but like the bridge, time can be traversed in the same fashion.

Time, is a finite resource that we summarily either have too much of or too little of at different periods in our lives. The static nature of time is something that I have been acutely cognizant of over the past couple of years.

 

Sadly, I have squandered more time that I care to admit, but I have realized that if I am able to recycle the time that I have wasted into a form that I can use empower my son and possibly others, then time can also prove to be something truly redemptive.

Maybe it is because of the serial affairs that I have had with Mother Nature, walking the winding paths in search of what I have chosen not to see, mainly because of my fear of what the next steps will entail.

The road ahead

The road ahead

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Sitting alongside rivers, streams and lakes throughout Maryland in my attempt to make sense of it all – has brought me closer to the confines of my faith – which I assumed had abandoned me, but it was me that had forsaken it.

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Being content with letting the voice of solace drown out all of the background noise that passes as my life never fails to be redemptive.

Often, I wonder if this is clarity that I have inadvertently stumbled upon.

Fortunately, I am not naive enough to believe that clarity would come into my grasp this easily – or can it?

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