As sat here I fought the feeling of not wanting to leave the solace that I had found.
Monthly Archives: December 2013
Sometimes the silence has to be deafening
And here I sat, bewildered at the reality that the swirling demands of my life and what I consider my “priorities” always take shape and come into focus when I’m away from “it” all, sitting the lap of nature. Often I come to the relevation that I need to change course.
I woke this morning with the noble goal of clipping coupons and heading to the grocery store. But, this simple trip turned into something else altogether. I bypassed the grocery store altogether with the mandate of figuring “it” all out, today.
I drove purposefully until I found my way to Gunpowder Falls, these winding paths, trees, assorted streams and the rushing river have served as my psychiatrist countless times over the years.
I inhaled deeply, kneeled down to lace up my boots, after observing the knot I rose to my feet and started walking, with the goal of figuring “it” out all out firmly planted in my head.
I walk until I am unable to hear the world that I left behind me and when this happens, a feeling of peace envelops me.
The ground is saturated with the rain from the past day so that I hear each step that I make with a sloshing consistency.
And much to my surprise many of the areas where I would sit engrossed in my thoughts in years past are flooded over, so I continuing walking North.
After coming to section of the forest that I would leisurely walk across to reach the other side, I discover it is flooded, but I am undeterred.
So, I group all of my items into my pockets and push ahead. I make my way across the stream without falling in, much to my surprise.
As I continue on the river widens, I cautiously navigate the rocks in the river to make my way across to a subsection of small islands, where I grab a seat to bear witness to it all.
I sit here for over an hour being soothed by the sounds of the water crashing against the rocks. My mind conflicted with my futile pursuit of living life just to be living it, rather than living it with a purpose.
I’ve often heard people oversimplify the journey of life by saying that “We are born to die” but as I sit here I realize that we are born to leave a legacy, to leave the places that we inhabit in a better state than we found it in.
This is in direct contrast to being a taker rather than one who gives and enriches.
An overwhelming sense of clarity hits like a thud.
What is it that I am running from that I have to rediscover it here?
I’ve spent so much of my life looking at life as a adversary, angry because it has rebuffed my pleas of friendship when I would have been better served, respecting it as a teacher and being mindful that life is an exercise of living on borrowed time.