As sat here I fought the feeling of not wanting to leave the solace that I had found.
And here I sat, bewildered at the reality that the swirling demands of my life and what I consider my “priorities” always take shape and come into focus when I’m away from “it” all, sitting the lap of nature. Often I come to the relevation that I need to change course.
I woke this morning with the noble goal of clipping coupons and heading to the grocery store. But, this simple trip turned into something else altogether. I bypassed the grocery store altogether with the mandate of figuring “it” all out, today.
I drove purposefully until I found my way to Gunpowder Falls, these winding paths, trees, assorted streams and the rushing river have served as my psychiatrist countless times over the years.
I inhaled deeply, kneeled down to lace up my boots, after observing the knot I rose to my feet and started walking, with the goal of figuring “it” out all out firmly planted in my head.
I walk until I am unable to hear the world that I left behind me and when this happens, a feeling of peace envelops me.
The ground is saturated with the rain from the past day so that I hear each step that I make with a sloshing consistency.
And much to my surprise many of the areas where I would sit engrossed in my thoughts in years past are flooded over, so I continuing walking North.
After coming to section of the forest that I would leisurely walk across to reach the other side, I discover it is flooded, but I am undeterred.
So, I group all of my items into my pockets and push ahead. I make my way across the stream without falling in, much to my surprise.
As I continue on the river widens, I cautiously navigate the rocks in the river to make my way across to a subsection of small islands, where I grab a seat to bear witness to it all.
I sit here for over an hour being soothed by the sounds of the water crashing against the rocks. My mind conflicted with my futile pursuit of living life just to be living it, rather than living it with a purpose.
I’ve often heard people oversimplify the journey of life by saying that “We are born to die” but as I sit here I realize that we are born to leave a legacy, to leave the places that we inhabit in a better state than we found it in.
This is in direct contrast to being a taker rather than one who gives and enriches.
An overwhelming sense of clarity hits like a thud.
What is it that I am running from that I have to rediscover it here?
I’ve spent so much of my life looking at life as a adversary, angry because it has rebuffed my pleas of friendship when I would have been better served, respecting it as a teacher and being mindful that life is an exercise of living on borrowed time.
Mother Nature has always been a gracious host, whenever she invites me, I listen intently and feel compelled to learn at her feet.
In today’s lesson I realized …
When we come full circle with the reality of what we’ve always known to be true, but instead of taking the revelation head on, we chose to tuck it away in the recesses of our mind in hopes that it would fade away into oblivion.
Sadly, it never does; more often than not, it comes back with a vengeance.
Are we really being true to ourselves? Taking it a step further, is it fair to surmise that if we can’t tell the hard truths to ourselves who can we speak truth to?
The older that I get the more I come to the sobering realization, that I didn’t know that know as much as the earlier incarnations of myself were so unshakably certain of.
In short, I take solace in the fact that there is wisdom in, respecting the certainty of uncertainty.
There is so much to be gained from embracing and enveloping ourselves in the edification of our own fickleness. Accepting it, taking it head on rather than running or making futile attempts to hide from it.
So, I often find myself walking in the relative solace of nature, only to eventually find myself staring back the reflection of the water
not unlike the mythical Narcissus, but it isn’t that I am enamored with myself, but being enchanted with the duality of good and bad in myself and the potential of reaching higher plateaus.
Often I find myself in nature’s venues where I am drawn in by my surroundings, only to wonder if what my senses are bearing witness to is a metaphor for something larger.
This area was serene, but not secluded by any sense of the word as the serenity of the surroundings were periodically cut with the buzz of cars crossing the bridge.
I soaked it in and marveled at the ebb and flow of the river. The contrast of the leaves and the trees was comforting.
Sometimes hearing nothing helps you to hear exactly what is needed.
Water has the properties to flush toxins out of the body as well as flushing the toxins out of the mind.
Is it easier said than done? Possibly, but often we opt not to make it a priority.
But isn’t sanity worth it or would it be too much like right?
This picture sums up the week I spent on the Big Island.
Awe inspiring; breathtaking, invigorating and reflective are some of the adjectives that come to mind.
In retrospect, I was lost but was able to find myself here, but up to this point I was shamefully oblivious to the fact that I've been wasting my time. As Hawaii was quick to show herself as an environment that is purely conducive to a being the writer that I've been suppressing for longer than I care to admit.